fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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