So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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