I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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