Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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