i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I looked at my own cervix.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
