I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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