I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Pooping to opera.
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