he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
