Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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