Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
