By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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