Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize