i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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