I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
