How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
