He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
