I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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