So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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