i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
