is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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