I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
