I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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