i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
