If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh