I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize