It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just crazy horny about you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
