I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
