you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
