I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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