Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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