i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
