somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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