Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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