He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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