how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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