i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
