Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
