I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
