um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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