I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
