walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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