I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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