shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
