We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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