you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Terrible idea I love it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
