I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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