You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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