Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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