3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
