if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
