Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
