remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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