i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a burrito and a hug.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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