There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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