You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
