Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
These tits shall not be calmed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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