If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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