I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
