Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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