I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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