Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
