i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it glows. i had to have it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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