$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
