Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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