Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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