So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
