I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
